Clarissa's Secret
by GirlInHerOwnWorld
Summary: Wild, bright hair like fire and enchanting emerald eyes bright with excitement, but there is something wrong, a deadly secret hidden just out of sight. Jace is determined to figure it out but will finding the truth save them both or put them in more danger then imaginable? Racing against a ticking clock who will survive? AU/AH Clace, Sizzy, Malec
1. Clarissa

**A/N: I hope you like my new story, it is my first all human one. Let me know what you think. It will mainly be in Jace's POV. It is my first time attempting something like this so please review and tell me your thoughts. This story has been floating around in my mind for a while now and I had to write it. This doesn't mean I am abandoning Shattered Ones, I just wanted something else to work on when I get stuck.**

**WARNING: As the story goes on there will be mature themes and content.**

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Cassandra Clare and the songs belong to there respective artist. (Cut-Plumb) **

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_**Clarissa**_

Clarissa Morgenstern, Clary Fray, Clary. Wild, bright hair like fire and enchanting emerald eyes bright with excitement. So full of joy and life. She is like a beacon of light in the darkness, people are immediately drawn to her. She is the kind of popular where people genuinely want to be her friend or in her presence, opposed to the generic stuck up jerks that for some stupid reason people worship. I'm the second kind. Jace Herondale, school heartthrob and the biggest player. I literally have girls worshiping the ground I walk on, and contrary to some peoples beliefs, I hate it.

I despise myself for the cruel things I do, but I don't know how to stop. I don't think I can. It's better this way really... Safer...

I hook-up with random girls in a string of casual flings and one night stands. I don't date and I certainly don't fall in love. Maybe that's why I don't like thinking about her. If you asked anyone at our school they'd tell you I hate her and that she doesn't particularly like me either. If only that were completely true.

I remember when I first met her. It was a year after I lost my parents, Izzy, my adopted sister, brought her new friend home from school. She was Clary Fray back then, a mess of carroty curls and splattered freckles, her green eyes alight with the biggest spark. I hated her on the spot. While I was lonely and hurting she paraded around without a care in the world. She was _always_ laughing. I guess that's where our feud begun. I was angry and hurting and I wanted to make her hurt too. I'd tease her and push her around, yet after the first time she never got upset. Ten years old and she let me take it out on her, and that made me angrier at her, but at the same time I could never really hurt her. But then it all changed.

Her mother died, and as terrible and selfish as it sounds I was happy in a way. Not that I'd wish that on any child, I just thought that now she'd be like me. We could help each other, but things didn't exactly work out like that.

She moved in with her Father and attended a different school, everybody lost contact with her. It wasn't until three years later when she started high school that we saw her. We were re-introduced to her as Clarissa Morgenstern, although she still preferred to be called Clary. It wasn't long until she had a lot of friends, it also wasn't long before her and Izzy reconnected, becoming best friends again. She was and is always the centre attention without meaning to. The only real difference - aside from her looks - was the spark in her eyes.

I was cold towards her and before long she became indifferent to me. At first I was angry, how could she be fine like nothing had happened? Then I thought maybe she moved on, she wasn't damaged like me, she could heal. But there was something that continued to bother me. A few years later I figured it out. It was the spark in her eyes or more accurately, lack of.

She is always upbeat and smiling, but that spark is gone, replaced by a hidden secret. That's when I realised she was exactly like me. Putting up a front to the world, not letting anyone see the pain beneath. Everybody copes in different ways.

We both happened to work at Java Jones along with a bunch of music students from our school. If you had to have a job, Java Jones was the coolest place to work. I didn't need the money, my family had enough, but the owner, Luke, had a deal with the music students. We all got paid time on the stage and got to play our own music.

Tonight is Clary, Izzy and her other best friend, Simon's. Clary is centre stage singing her heart out. There is so much passion in her voice, she is mesmerising to watch. When she sings I can see a trace of the spark in her eyes. I try to tell myself to look away, too not think about her. Lately that has been becoming harder and harder.

Tearing my eyes away from the stage I look around for an easy target, someone to try and distract me for the night. Although, so far, I haven't found anyone who shines as bright. I spot her, blonde, blue eyes, not even trying to subtlety catch my attention. I give her my famous smirk and start to head over.

I vaguely hear the music change but I'm determined not to look. I had almost reached the blonde when Clary began to sing.

**_I'm not a stranger,_**

**_No I am yours,_**

**_With crippled anger,_**

**_And tears that still drip sore,_**

**_A fragile frame aged,_**

**_With misery,_**

**_And when our eyes meet,_**

**_I know you see,_**

I froze, looking up at her. This song was softer, different then the type of music they usually played (which was dictated by Izzy). There was something in her voice and her eyes.

**_I do not want to be afraid,_**

**_I do not want to die inside just to breathe in,_**

**_I'm tired of feeling so numb,_**

**_Relief exists I find it when,_**

**_I am cut,_**

I couldn't stop staring, even when I felt someone trying to get my attention.

**_I may seem crazy,_**

**_Or painfully shy,_**

**_And these scars wouldn't be so hidden,_**

**_If you would just look me in the eye,_**

**_I feel alone here and cold here,_**

**_Though I don't want to die,_**

**_But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside,_**

It felt as if she was singing from her soul to mine, blasting straight through our carefully constructed walls. Her eyes met mine as she poured her heart out.

**_I do not want to be afraid,_**

**_I do not want to die inside just to breathe in,_**

**_I'm tired of feeling so numb,_**

**_Relief exists I find it when,_**

**_I am cut,_**

**_Pain,_**

**_I am not alone,_**

**_I am not alone,_**

My chest tightened and breathing felt harder. Our eyes were still connected, neither one of us could look away. Every other time she sang it was fun, light hearted. Why was she pouring herself out into these lyrics, why the emotion? Her eyes were shining as if she were holding back tears.

**_I'm not a stranger,_**

**_No I am yours,_**

**_With crippled anger,_**

**_And tears that still drip sore,_**

**_But I do not want to be afraid,_**

**_I do not want to die inside just to breathe in,_**

**_I'm tired of feeling so numb,_**

**_Relief exists I found it when,_**

**_I was cut.._**

The music trailed off and the audience applauded. Yet I was frozen staring at the girl that plagued me every moment of the day, and she stared back as if we were the only people in the room. The secret hiding her eyes, just out of reach, haunting her mind...

Sometimes I wonder exactly who she is, because Clarissa has a secret and I'm determined to figure it out.


	2. Cracks In The Walls

**A/N: First of all a huge thanks to those of you who reviewed. I am glad you guys liked it. The songs are Footloose and Holding out for a Hero. Sorry for the short chapters, but hopefully they will allow me to update more often. **

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**Cracks In The Walls**

People were filing out the doors as we closed up, once the last person left we locked the doors and began cleaning. We all had our own jobs to do. Clary and Simon we mucking around on the stage while packing away the equipment. I tried my hardest to ignore them, to ignore the way my chest tightened when he made her laugh. I wanted so much to be the one to do that. _No you don't, stop thinking about her! _

Everybody turned their attention to Luke's office as he came bursting out. He straightened up as he realised we were all staring at him. "I have to go, there's an emergency at the bar." He said gruffly, Luke owned more then one business and this happened from time to time. He chucked the keys in the air and on instinct I caught them, as always... "Thanks." He said with a grin and left as the others chuckled. Looked like I'd be staying back to lock up, again. Izzy skipped over to the iPod dock and started playing some music. This was also a common occurrence while we were cleaning.

Most of the waitresses were done although a couple hung around in hopes I'd take them home. I most likely will, I need some sort of distraction, but when I look up at Clary's eyes I see the hidden secret. I have to find out what it is, for my own sanity.

Maybe she is secret spy or a rock star or maybe in the witness protection program and they fucked up sending her here. What I really think is that she is pain. I'd assume from the loss of her mother, but I think it is more then that. I think she hurting, but puts on a brave face for the world, always helping others.

Clary jumped off the stage and headed to where Simon and Izzy were, putting her arms around them and singing along to the music.

**_I Been working so hard,_**

**_I'm punching my card,_**

**_Eight hours for what,_**

**_Oh, tell me what I got,_**

**_I get this feeling,_**

**_Times just holding me down,_**

**_I'll hit the ceiling,_**

**_Or else I'll tear up this town,_**

I felt a strange combination between wanting to smile and wanting to take hold of her and never let go. _What! No, stop right there! You can't be thinking that! _Averting my eyes I started flirting shamelessly with the closest girl to me. Slowly everybody was leaving and unfortunately for me the girl was being picked up by her mother. Izzy had her own car and declared she needed to go get her beauty rest. Simon was trying to convince Clary to get a lift with him.

"It's ok, really, I'll stay and help Jace until Jonathan comes." Her musical voice rang out. Although I noticed the way it changed when she said her brother's name.

After hugging goodbye, Simon left, leaving the two of us alone. I felt really nervous. She put on her own music and started singing While cleaning, almost as if she were doing it absentmindedly.

**_Where have all the good men gone,_**

**_And where are all the gods?_**

**_Where's the street-wise Hercules,_**

**_To fight the rising odds?_**

**_Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?_**

**_Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need,_**

Her voice rang out through the cafe, I couldn't look away as much as I tried. I could see myself being with her.

**_I need a hero,_**

**_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night,_**

**_He's gotta be strong, he's gotta be fast,_**

**_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight,_**

**_I need a hero,_**

**_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light,_**

**_He's gotta be sure, he's gotta be soon,_**

**_And he's gotta be larger than life, larger than life,_**

I had the urge to just walk up and kiss her, tell her everything that words couldn't say. It was getting harder and harder to ignore these feelings to the point that it hurt. It hurt to look at her. If a hero is what she needed, maybe that could be me, maybe I could redeem myself enough to be worthy of her.

She looked up and caught me staring. "Like what you see?" She asked with a teasing smile. My mouth went dry and couldn't find any words. The smile dropped from her face and she stared at me in confusion. I swallowed nervously and looked away. Shaking my head I turned around and headed into the kitchen. I leaned heavily on the counter and closed my eyes. _C'mon Jace, snap out of it!_ If I continued to make these mistakes people would see right through me and I don't think I could cope with that. I was barely coping as it was.

A few minutes Clary stumbled into the kitchen and leaned over the sink. I was about to say something when I realised she was trembling. Slowly I walked and placed a hand on her shoulder. She flinched away from touch and spun around, confusion, surprise and fear in her eyes.

Tears were slowly rolling down her cheeks, without thinking I reached up to wipe them away. We were standing so close, closer then we had ever been for, and I don't just mean physically.

I wanted so much to close the distance, to feel her lips on mine, our bodies pressed together, but I couldn't move. Our breathing become harder yet we stood there frozen.

Our walls were cracking around us, yet we couldn't move, as in fear that they would come crumbling down.


End file.
